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Thu, 23 Nov 2023 13:41:15 -0800
Andy from
private IP
/all
Water under the bridge from 18 years of law
As I write this, it's Thanksgiving 2023, which is a day after my eighteenth
anniversary of being licensed to practice law. I am experiencing a mix of
feelings about the last eighteen years. I want to give both the good and the
bad before concluding that, for me, there was no other logical choice and I
don't think I would do anything differently. However, I want to carefully
illustrate that this particular and still-ongoing trial lawyer trajectory is
like threading the needle, and requires a combination of the ability to do the
job (most important factor), the ability to rapidly assess and exploit
opportunities (most important factor), actual opportunity (often awarded by
chance), experience, professional development, and (key factor) the avoidance of
calamity.
On the plus side, I have my own small law firm (five attorneys and three
administrative professionals) in a nice office that is set up exactly how I
want, with awesome people who I actually want to work with. I have done
thirty-three trials and counting, with about seven jury trials set for 2024.
This trial lawyering thing is working out well because I have had opportunities,
experience, and downright awesome luck in addition to (I think) an honestly high
level of potential in this field.
On the minus side, the crushing burdens of law firm management and my state of
perpetual suffering from an insane workload have taken a toll on my mental
state, and my views of the legal system are profoundly negative at this point.
Let me simply go over my life since 2000 and discuss the background that led me
to want to do what I do.
In September 2000, I had a major dilemma that I knew would change my life. In
September 2001, I had another major dilemma that I knew would change my life.
In September 2009, I had another major dilemma that I knew would change my life.
In September 2011, I had yet another major dilemma that I knew would be really
important. I guess September is my month for life-changing dilemmas, which is
ironic considering that I celebrate my birthday in September. I will go over
each of these decision points and why they led me to lawyering, and what I
learned.
September 2000 was the first life-changing dilemma. That summer (June
2000-September 2000), I had been working at a graphic design studio in San Mateo
doing websites full-time. At that time, it was both a hand-coded process and a
process in the design program DreamWeaver. The advantage I had over many of my
peers was that I had taught myself HTML from 1998-2000 and specialized in "hand
coding," not using DreamWeaver, primarily because I could not afford
DreamWeaver. Due to all the experience editing HTML in a text editor, I could
take someone's DreamWeaver files and edit them without DreamWeaver-- a key
capability. When combined with my legitimately purchased copy of Adobe
Photoshop (I had to save for a while to afford this $500 software while a
freshman in college), hand-coded HTML was a devastating combination, even with
no credentials or formal training. I got the job in San Mateo by walking into
their office and asking whether they needed any help with editing websites
(lol). Basically, this was a rare skill set that was in booming need at that
time during the dot-com era. The summer job exposed me to things I had never
used before, such as SQL. By the close of Summer 2000, I had basic web
applications in the LAMP stack running, plus a rudimentary understanding of SQL.
It was at that point that I was given an intelligence test by an expert
programmer whom I still totally respect, and he concluded that my programming
potential was extremely high. The programmer recommended to the owner that I be
retained and trained as a web application programmer because I would crush it at
programming. This resulted in the owner of this company, who is a wonderful and
very interesting man, telling me that I could "name my price" if I quit UCLA and
went to work for him full-time. Imagine you are a broke 20 year-old who just
had the most profitable three months of his life, and was told he could start
tomorrow making $100,000 per year in a job that was interesting, rewarding, and
well-suited for him. That brings us to my first life-changing dilemma in
September 2000: drop out of college and join the dot-com boom at 20, on the
ground floor, with a wonderful small company that valued my work and would throw
money at me. You know who that sounds like? Mark Zuckerberg when he created
Facebook. This was actually the least difficult life dilemma that I indicated
above, but I still went back and forth for days on this. I asked people I
trusted, including my parents, what they would do. I diagrammed out the options
and listed costs and benefits. I did extensive research. The consensus from
third parties was that I should finish college because the dot-com boom was a
passing thing and the college degree would be of higher value than just going
into the workforce with a half-completed degree. On the other side, my
co-workers were telling me I should drop out and commit to being an amazing
programmer, which was my destiny. Looking back, of course I should have taken
this opportunity because that was my chance to get in on the ground floor of the
dot-com era and ride the coattails of my employer to do something amazing.
However, that is only apparent from looking back now in hindsight. Since we're
looking at hindsight, I also should look at what actually happened, and
therefore what would not have happened if I had accepted the offer. Then I have
to weigh the outcome against what could have happened if I had taken the offer.
So the question is, is the imaginary outcome better than the actual outcome?
Looking back now, the answer is a soft "no." When I made the decision to return
to UCLA, (1) within two months I had met Miss Right (a separate very sad story
that ended a year later), which itself changed my life; (2) within three months
I was elected President of my fraternity, which also changed my life; (3) within
a year I was running my own small web application programming business, and (4)
within two years I was in law school. I'd say (1) and (2) alone were worth it
because these were life-changing experiences that I would not have had if I had
stayed with the design studio. The decision to forego the name-your-price offer
was a reasonable decision at the time, and I don't think I would do anything
different with respect to this decision had I known then what I know now.
But then life changed again in September 2001 with 9/11. I was in prep courses
for the LSAT that summer and firmly on the law school trajectory. Watching the
Twin Towers collapse and realizing that this was a terrorist attack made me
physically sick. The war in Afghanistan and the Spring of 2002 after I had
gotten into law school were very difficult, because I had always strongly
considered serving our country and already had met with recruiters, even before
9/11. In Summer 2002, the choice was simple: law school or Afghanistan. One
factor was that I had gotten into UC College of Law San Francisco (formerly UC
Hastings), which at that time was still a good school and was ranked maybe 35th
in the country. The question I asked myself was: should I stay on the law
trajectory or should I walk away from it? This was the second-most difficult
dilemma of my life. Looking back, had I known there was such a thing as Delta
Force in 2002 and that it was full of the type of people I like, that might have
made the difference for me. But you know what's ironic now? In 2013, I ended
up meeting a former Ranger, Special Forces, and Delta Force commander, and I
still represent him in legal matters because he retired from the Army and had
moved to California. I posed the same dilemma to him, and he told me I made the
right choice! There you have it. But back to the 2002 time frame. In Fall
2002, I will never forget how toxic and awful law school was. Unlike UCLA,
which was full of happy, bubbly, pleasant people, law school was full of
negative, political, backstabbing gossipers. The kind of people who are polite
to your face and then talk about you behind your back. It was a completely
depressing contrast from college. I almost quit in my first year, but I decided
to stick with it because I didn't want to drop out and was committed to
finishing. Turns out legal writing was not my strong suit back then. Second
year was more of the same awful experience. But then, in my third year, I took
Trial Advocacy I and II. Those courses changed my life because they made it
clear to me that trial lawyering is where I would make up for potential issues
with legal writing. Those were classes of 12 people and I got A's in both-- and
in the II course, this was partly because I totally destroyed the other side in
the full mock trial we had at the conclusion of the semester, shortly before
graduation. Considering that civil litigation and trial practice were what I
wanted to do, this was a good sign. In 2005 when I took the bar exam and
passed, being sworn into the bar on November 22, 2005 by my trial advocacy
instructor (a judge in San Francisco), that was the happiest day of my life
until nearly 17 years later in 2022 when I finally got married (lol). And then
I experienced one of the most crushing defeats of my life, as it took me about
eight months to find a job and I was very depressed during that time. Finally,
in early 2006, my uncle Mike hired me when an associate left his firm. The rest
is history, haha. But in all seriousness, that three years from 2006 to 2009
was the crucible that enabled me to learn the ropes and have my first couple of
trials. At the same time, I wasn't happy with lawyering and I decided that
government service was my future. That brings us to September 2009, which I put
as the most difficult, life-changing dilemma of my life.
In June 2009, I departed my uncle's law firm in order to join a government
agency within the Department of Justice. Unfortunately, a month later I was
unexpectedly non-selected from the agency for bullshit reasons. In case you're
wondering, I was present when two friends exchanged a small quantity of
marijuana in 2008, shortly before my application to this agency. This was a law
enforcement position requiring a Top Secret clearance. Back then, this type of
incident was taken a lot more seriously than it is today, especially for a
lawyer. I received a stupid form rejection letter in the mail in early July
2009, when I was about a month from going to their training academy. Not
getting the Department of Justice job was a soul-crushing, humiliating loss that
caused me extreme distress. This was on top of other stressors in that time
period that were also soul-crushing, humiliating losses, such as losing my job
and moving home with the folks while preparing for the academy. I wasn't
thinking as clearly in Summer 2009 as I was later on. In order to support
myself, I made the mistake of joining an insane local attorney as an associate
in August 2009, which was so awful and disturbing that I quit after a month. So
there I was in September 2009, and I was faced with what I now consider to be
the most difficult choice of my life: (1) continue lawyering, or (2) join the
Army. I had visited the local Army recruiter in March 2009 because I was
choosing between the Department of Justice (first choice) and the Army (second
choice). But after losing the DOJ opportunity, my motivation to join the Army
as the alternative somewhat ebbed. At this point, Iraq and Afghanistan were
still ongoing wars and I was again told that there was plenty of other stuff I
could do. I thought about doing computer programming full-time, but by then in
2009, it was pretty clear that nobody would believe that a lawyer with a History
degree could do software engineering, and in any case I would have required
substantial study or training to be effective in that era. So that didn't
really work for me. So what I decided to do was what turned out to be a huge
mistake: pursuing the DOJ opportunity further even though they had decided to
non-select me. I spent September and October 2009 unemployed and living with my
folks, obsessively focused on filing my appeal of the DOJ's decision. Obviously
I had no money, and all the time in the world to ruminate. It wasn't healthy,
let's just leave it at that. By early November 2009, I was a wreck mentally and
I ended up making myself sick. After that, in mid-November 2009, I was no
longer able to join the Department of Defense because I had a disqualifying
medical condition. So there I was, in November 2009, not wanting to practice
law and not qualified to join the Army-- and those had been the two options
available to me. So what did I do? I returned to law practice in April 2010 at
the most toxic, god-awful law firm I've ever experienced: Robinson & Wood.
That's another story. The bottom line is that I returned to law practice and
worked at Robinson & Wood, plus another then-awful law firm, before quitting
in July 2012 because I couldn't take it anymore. That was a very low point in
my life. I again did a bunch of soul-searching, but this time with the
government service options off the table. It was in January 2013 that I had a
great idea that again changed my life: what if I stop being Mr. Nice Guy
Associate Attorney and start offering people a mutually beneficial contract
attorney setup where I take no bullshit and deliver quality work on my terms? I
can work part-time at two law firms and do hourly billing so they have a 1099
and I have my own business so I can write off business expenses? It turns out
there is exactly a market for that among small law firms that cannot predict
their workloads sufficiently to bring on a W-2 employee. The rest is history;
after about three years of contract attorney work, I had enough going to start
my own law firm. Here I am seven years later with an increasingly good result.
I have my own small law firm and I'm practicing law on my own terms in my own
office that I look forward to going to every day. This on top of a booming
business with many cases and many trials. I am a freaking gunslinger, which is
what I wanted when I set out in 2006 as an associate attorney not knowing
anything. Was it worth the suffering? No, but what else could I have done? If
I could do it over again, I would have joined the Army in September 2009, and
that is the only change I would make with my actual trajectory.
The law firm management is the toughest part of what I do, and is no joke; it's
a constant struggle to manage money as it relates to earnings, expenses, gross
receipts, compensation to colleagues, vendor bills, and otherwise. At the end
of the day, I simply have not been comfortable because the firm is always in
expansion mode, and I feel like I never have an opportunity to just sit back and
make actual profit. But that goes with the territory.
I am one of the only members of my law school class who is left standing, so to
speak. Many have transitioned out of law, or are permanent associates at law
firms, or have their own "litigation law firms" (deliberate air quotes) that
never go to trial. Trial practice is a rare thing with 95% of cases settling
and the managing partner of every firm wanting to handle it, so the
opportunities to go to trial at all are rare. The fact that I've personally
handled 33 trials start to finish, 31 of which were with me as first-chair trial
attorney, means I am frankly in an unusual position being 18 years out. I know
that I have what it takes, which is affirming and gives me a sense of agency.
My and my peers' experiences over the last eighteen years are why I think that
virtually no one who is uncertain about their future ability, and no one who
scores below a 160 on the LSAT, should attend law school. This would leave the
top 20% of applicants, who are the people who should actually attend law school
and then would become a normal distribution of attorneys-- but at a higher
quality level. This is underscored by the fact that the legal system is unfair
and poorly designed to right wrongs; it seems to be primarily intended to get
rid of disputes for as little court time as possible, which is awful and not
something they ever tell you in law school. Add to that the depressing
intermediate court of appeal decisions that essentially rubber-stamp trial court
decisions for any reason. This led me to conclude that appellate work is futile
and that trial-level work is where all the work should be done.
If I could do it over again, I'm not sure I would make any different choices
since I check all the right boxes and have basically threaded the needle on what
I set out to do-- civil litigation and trial lawyering. Had I dropped out of
college in 2000 or gone into the workforce after college in 2002, I never would
have been able to turn back to a student lifestyle for law school. Had I joined
the Army in 2002 as I was considering doing, I would have gone to Afghanistan
and Iraq multiple times serving our country and risked life and limb, with an
unclear trajectory. Had I joined the Army in 2009, I would be 14 years into a
20-year career and probably would have ended up as a lawyer anyway, which would
have defeated the purpose. There were no easy choices back then. There is an
easy choice now, which is to continue lawyering while doing such side projects
as I can manage with my limited spare time. Those side projects are computers
and custom guitars...which is plenty. I hope anyone who reads this essay
appreciates the difficulty of making major life decisions without the benefit of
hindsight, and I hope anyone considering law school considers this as a
potential path. Whether they actually decide to attend is their own choice, and
I would encourage them to not let anyone take it away.
_reply
Mon, 04 Dec 2023 08:04:00 -0800
Andy from
private IP
/all
test
_reply
Sun, 07 Jan 2024 20:31:47 -0800
zerosugar
from private IP
/all
This is a very interesting post on a delicate subject which sadly has no magic
answer. The important thing to warn young people about law is even if you do all
the right things and score high on the LSAT and pass the bar exam, big law jobs
are not easy to come by and most employers are small businesses. I do not know
if I agree by LSAT score. As somebody who scored very high, I was a crappy law
student and also had a low undergrad gpa. I simply studied nonstop for an exam,
took prep courses, and tons of practice tests. I have friends who scored much
lower than me and are suited to this profession. I think it takes a certain
personality to love law. I just am not that person. I still graduated and do
good for myself, but it was an uphill battle. I am lucky to have income outside
of law due to some smart investments. Am I better than friends who did not
attend a graduate program? Possibly, but it was nonstop aggravation for a long
time and three years of my life wasted studying nonstop plus the months studying
for the bar exam. If not for online dating, I would have had zero social life.
Law school women are strange to say the least and most were engaged.
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